


Be Sure

by AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: An evolution on their relationship seen from the Doctor's point of view?, F/F, I legit dunno how to tag this, Thasmin through the episodes, The episodes as seen from the Doctor's eyes, Yeah that sounds about right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard/pseuds/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard
Summary: “Something I believe in my faith. Love in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have because love is a form of hope and, like hope, love abides in the face of everything. You both found love with each other, you believed in it, you fought for it, and you waited for it. And now you're committing to it. Which makes you, right now, the two strongest people on this planet. Maybe in this universe.”Love was the answer all along.





	Be Sure

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really even know where to begin with this. It started out as a small thing really, just an idea that popped into my head one of this days about trying to write from the Doctor's point of you. It was going to be very summarized, touching here and there on some episodes... Until I found myself rewatching said episodes, making bullet points about each of them and well.. Here we are, 9 pages and approximately 5400 words later. I'm not so sure this came out as I wanted but I hope it's an enjoyable piece at least. 
> 
> Please do let me know in the comments what you think, as it would make this author very happy! :)

**Be Sure**

 

The universe, with all its planets, suns and constellations, a mystery just waiting to be unravelled. Perhaps even the biggest mystery out there to us really, with all the different life forms occupying their place in the cosmos, going about their daily lives like they aren't aliens to us. It's perhaps what ends up perplexing most, how this different shaped and sized beings so different from our own can be so similar after all. They live, breathe, work, fight, fall. The way they do all that is what beckons us to come and take a closer look, in our hungry search for all the answers to all the questions.

 

So starved for knowledge are we mankind.

 

But not the Doctor. No, not her.

 

She has seen so much of the universe. The rise and fall of empires, the creation of starts, all the bright nebulas and the different planets out there. She has made friends and enemies around the cosmos, in her incessant fight to save what she can save.

The bringer of hope, the healer, the destroyer... But to most, just the Doctor.

 

Thousands of years of travelling the universe, always culminating in a regeneration that gave her a new face and perhaps a new start, at least for a while. Soon enough all the hardships, the defeats, the faces of the ones she loved and lost would come back to haunt her; and that's when she would look at her new companions with eyes that begged for them to reconsiderif that this was really what they wanted.

 

She could have warned them properly; even showed them just how dangerous life with her really was. But she didn't. She couldn't. Falling off the Tardis and crash landing on that train had been her undoing. Meeting Graham and Grace and then Ryan and Yaz, getting to save the day with them... It all felt like fate (not that she believed in such a thing, really). Accidentally taking them with her to find her ship had proven to be just the thing to strengthen this bond they had created, this invisible thread of something akin of companionship. Even when she though everything was lost, they didn't give up; they believed in her and what she could do. Death was looming over and yet, this amazing humans showed uncanny _perseverance_ and _trust._

 

Perhaps it had been selfish of the Doctor to want to keep them around for as long as she could muster. The Tardis had known how she felt. Or perhaps she knew what would eventually happen if the Time Lord was left alone; proof of that the fourteen or more failed attempts to get them home. And then the Rosa Parks rescue had presented itself, displaying the full package of what travelling with this extraordinary being would be like.

 

A space ship and a time machine: the Tardis. With the Doctor at the helm.

 

Finally back in Sheffield, she was absolutely sure they would all just leave. Loneliness crawled in the back of her mind, hearts twisting in that familiar feeling. She wasn't ready to let them go, not yet; she had so much to show them still, an entire universe of possibilities and a old history book just begging to be lived through once again. So when Yasmin, sweet Yaz, had invited her over for tea, a tiny spark of hope was born.

 

Spiders and idiots with guns aside, she was glad they had managed to save the day again together one last time before goodbye became inevitable. The Time Lord had steeled herself, at the end of the day, to have her new friends show up and leave again. Only it turned out they wanted to stay.

 

They wanted more of the universe. They wanted more time with her. And she was the best person they ever met.

 

That was not what all of them had said, but those words were the ones that resonated the most with her, the only ones that reached her hearts and made them flutter in a way they hadn't for a long time. The feeling was familiar, especially as their gazes locked on one another, but the Doctor didn't grasp what it fully had meant then, only that she really wanted Yasmin Khan to stay.

 

The words _'be sure'_ left her lips and echoed through the control room, her voice carrying an underlining warning. She knew just how alluring the prospect of travelling with her and see all this amazing things was to this humans, this bright and smart and clever beings that never ceased to amaze her. She had glanced between them as well, her gaze lingering on each of them just enough, both pleading for them to stay and for them to go.

 

There was not a hint of hesitation as they replied, a real smile blossoming on the Doctor's face. She had gave them all the warnings and yet they were so sure this is what they wanted; so she welcomed her new companions officially, dubbing them _'Team Tardis'_ and beckoning them to join her in pulling the leaver that would start their entire adventures together.

 

As Yaz came forward first and her warm hand made contact with her own, that feeling returned. But she kept her face as neutral as possible and pushed the thought to a corner of her mind for a later time. For now, she had three shiny new humans to keep her company on her travels and that was all that mattered.

 

(Only later did the hotel conversation assault her thoughts, when Yasmin had assured her mother and the Doctor herself they were just friends. Why that suddenly became important, she had no idea).

 

Unfortunately, things had went wrong very fast. She had taken them to a junk planet, in search of some parts she required to tinker on the Tardis, which sounded like a perfectly safe enough choice for a first stop... Only it wasn't. No, it had been far from safe. A sonic mine, discarded and placed just about, waiting patiently for someone to find it and trigger it.

 

And that someone just happened to be the four of them.

 

The Doctor apologized, of course she did. Bringing them along had been a mistake and now they would all die, herself included. How cruel the irony was, spending time trying to find something safe for them to do, only to end up getting them all killed on some junk planet at their very first adventure together.

 

They had managed to pull through, somehow; only to end up dealing with one of the most dangerous beings on the galaxy: a pting.

 

She only had a moment to breathe much later when they awaited teleport back to the junk planet, worry crawling her mind as to whether her Tardis would still be there to welcome them back. Her side still hurt quite bad but she put on a brave face for her _fam_ and for herself really, not wanting to spend not even an extra minute having medics fussing about and delaying their exit. Flashes of what had transpired on the ship kept replaying in her mind as she sat there, especially when she had thrown her own body in front of Yasmin to shield her from the pting and a possible blast. She hadn't even hesitated in doing so, despite knowing fully well it wouldn't have mattered one bit if the bomb had went off.

 

Why had she even done that?

 

She chanced a glance towards Yaz then, who was looking at her with a hint of concern. When their gazes met, the woman gave her a heartfelt smile, which she couldn't help but mirror almost instantly. And that was when suddenly there was something completely different nagging at the back of her mind, something she couldn't quite understand. Yet.

 

Whatever that something was, it kept assaulting her in those in-between times afterwards, when she would be alone in the control room while everyone else was asleep. Or when she would lay down wide awake staring at all the different constellations, eyes trailing about the bright dots like she would find all the answers in the stars. It was puzzling, that mysterious feeling that made her chest radiate with such warmth it rivalled the sun itself; the need to be close to Yasmin, to hold her hand, to make sure she was safe. She cared for all of them, truly. But there was something particular about this woman, something she couldn't quite figure out.

 

The Doctor took them back to Sheffield, as she so often did, so they could go on with their lives for a few days. She stayed around this time to do repairs, instead of going off somewhere to run some errands. She hated to admit it but it was becoming incredibly hard to be alone in the Tardis, let alone travel by herself. The same mysterious thoughts still plagued her even then, along with a feeling of emptiness; but she just assumed that was due to being alone. Luckily maintaining the Tardis functional always kept her busy enough to not let her mind stray too far.

 

But then Yasmin had waltzed in, Graham and Ryan not far behind, asking the Doctor to take her back into her Nani's past. She knew, from experience, that those trips never ended well and yet, as she looked at Yaz's bright eyes and then to the watch she had handed over... There was no way she could have said said no to her. And that was absolutely terrifying, not being able to say no.

 

Why couldn't she? Threading on one's past was like walking on thin ice; one wrong step and... Was she really allowing herself to risk putting Yasmin's entire existence in jeopardy just so she could fulfil such request?

 

The others seemed fine with the idea and at the ready for the travel. So she decided to concede, after making sure the _'not interfering'_ rule was crystal clear on everyone's minds.

 

The Time Lord had been right in her first assumption and mentally scolded herself and whatever had pushed her to say yes in the first place. Keeping Yaz from interfering with her own past proved to be a challenge; she was too eager in finding out what she could about her Nani. And when things were not adding up, the Doctor had to cut in to salvage the situation every time, making sure her companion wouldn't let certain truths from the future leave her lips.

 

The rule about not interfering had been quickly thrown out the window when it was clear the threat of the Thijarians loomed over the family. Keeping them all safe became a priority; and she honestly laughed to herself at the irony of Yasmin being the one suddenly reminding her of her own rule.

 

“ _We can't have a universe with no Yaz”_ , had been her answer and reasoning then, stirring once again those familiar thoughts and that unknown feeling she couldn't name.

 

Things became so much more complicated afterwards, once she learned the truth about those aliens. And how Prem's fate was sealed.

 

Admiration swelled in her chest at how Yasmin, despite knowing exactly what was coming, refused to leave. She wanted to make sure her Nani would be safe. The Doctor couldn't deny her that, not when deep inside she wanted to do the exact same thing. She felt responsible for not saying no still and now uncertainty lingered over her companion's whole timeline. They had to see the entire thing through, if only to make sure everything happened as it should.

 

As she stood there, watching Umbreen and Prem gazing at each other with such adoration and _love_ , she couldn't help but steal a glance towards Yasmin. The words she spoke afterwards washed over her entire being, shaking her to her very core as she finally put a name on that unknown emotion that had been plaguing her all that time.

 

“ _Something I believe in my faith. Love in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have because love is a form of hope and, like hope, love abides in the face of everything. You both found love with each other, you believed in it, you fought for it, and you waited for it. And now you're committing to it. Which makes you, right now, the two strongest people on this planet. Maybe in this universe.”_

 

Love was the answer all along.

 

She had kept her hands on her pockets when she approached a crestfallen Yasmin on the Tardis later, not fully trusting herself with this newly found knowledge that she was in love with her friend. Standing there, she tried to convey as much comfort as she could with her gaze, fighting every urge to reach over and hold her hand; or even embracing her. The contact would definitely feed the flame and the Doctor was not sure that was something that she wanted to do. No, not yet. She had to take some time to think it over, some time to tell herself to forget about it completely.

 

And that was just what she had done once her companions had left her alone in the control room again.

 

Except life has a funny way of reminding you just how fleeting everything really is, especially the ones you care about.

 

The visit to Kerblam was supposed to be brief and not at all dangerous, just a quick check to make sure everything was alright. The ominous slip should have been all the warning needed for her to figure out that wouldn't be the case at all; but too wrapped she was in her own mind she had failed to notice the big red flagged waving above their heads.

 

_'Yasmin could have died'_ became a reminder of just how much she could have lost on that day, if it weren't for Dan. A random stranger had seen the danger even before the Doctor did and put himself in harm's way for one of her companions that she was supposed to protect and keep safe. She was eternally grateful, truly, but part of her was having issues fully digesting that. But as always, she pushed it all down and focused on the task at hand, to make sure no one else would get hurt.

 

“ _I think you came here with a plan, but you didn't expect to fall in love. But that's what happens.”_

 

Her words had been directed at Charlie, but part of her felt them like she was telling herself something she had long forgotten about. You can't plan who you fall in love with or when you do; it just happens. But what you do about it? Now that's a choice you make yourself.

 

The Doctor wasn't even surprised at the answer that immediately had left her lips when Yaz had approached her later, asking if she could make a request. _'Always'_ , she had said. There was no way in the entire universe she could say no to Yasmin Khan, especially not now that she had put a name on this bothersome feeling. Yes, it was bothersome to say the least, always there in some corner of her brain keeping her aware of just how much this woman meant to her.

 

The Tardis had dropped them in the middle of a witch hunt and trials, instead of the coronation of Elizabeth the First like the Time Lord had wanted. Standing there at the edge of the dirty lake, looking over an innocent woman being trialled unjustly was really not how she had planned their day to go at all. But she couldn't just sit by and let it happen, not when Yasmin was calling her name and just begging her to do something; and not when a poor young girl was about to lose her grandma. Of course, in some twisted irony, Graham had to be the voice of reason then, reminding them about the famous _'not interfering'_ rule she had very firmly established.

 

But Yaz was asking her to. No, not asking. _Begging._ And she couldn't just say no to her, could she?

 

So against her best judgement, she had thrown caution to the wind then, leaving her coat with Ryan and diving into the dirty, freezing water. Sadly, it proved to be all in vain, as she pulled the body of the woman to the shore and Yasmin kneeled down to check for a pulse. The look she gave her immediately told her poor old Mother Twiston was gone. She had failed to save her.

 

She didn't have much time to process it, not when Becka Savage was barking orders to have them all arrested. The Doctor knew something was definitely wrong; this woman seemed avoidant and the trials were definitely acting as a cover up. For what exactly she couldn't tell, not yet. So she passed herself and her companions as Witchfinders (was there even such thing?) so they could get close to this woman and find out exactly what was going on. And she was glad when Yasmin had voiced her interest in checking on the girl who had just lost her grandma in the lake.

 

Somehow she couldn't shake the feeling that it was best to keep the girl (and Yaz) away from this Becka Savage character.

 

King James appearance had only made things worse, with his narky remarks about her being a woman and how they were only good for _'snooping'._ It was bad enough he refused to take and recognize her as the Witchfinder General (Graham seemed to be more in a position to be taken as such, being a bloke and all); but the remarks were really starting to get to her. It took every once of self-control and self-preservation to not tell the man off, him being the King and all.

 

Following Yasmin to Willa's little cottage after what she had told the Doctor about the mud tendril proved to be the perfect opportunity to cool down a tad. She was sure Graham and Ryan were perfectly capable to keep an eye on Becka and the King, after all it seemed good old James had taken quite the charm with the _'Nubian Prince',_ as he had so boldly put it. And Graham, well... He was a capable man. She was absolutely positive he could come up with something on the spot, should the need for it arise.

 

Plus they were both men. Like they could be mistaken for witches in that century.

 

Yaz, her sweet and brilliant Yaz on the other hand could very well be accused of such. And that was what the Doctor was the most afraid of, after the entire mess at Kerblam.

 

She had a bully, in school. Someone so smart and beautiful and kind as her had the misfortune of being bullied by some girl named Izzy Flint. She fought the urge to keep a mental note on that name, to somehow find this person and give her a piece of her mind; but that was something Yasmin would not want her to do. So she let it go.

 

Of course reanimated corpses would cause her to be accused of witchcraft, as if it wasn't already bad enough she couldn't do her job properly without having to defend herself almost every minute (if she was still a bloke, that would have never been a problem); but now standing there and being accused of being an _'agent of satan'_ and a ' _necromancer'_... In insight, the Doctor should have known better than waving her sonic around like _that_ in front of people like _those_ because _of course_ they would mistaken it as a magic wand, Becka at the helm of the accusations as always, trying to deflect attention from herself. But why? What was she hiding?

 

Trying to get through King James had proven to be impossible, as he approached her after the guards were done binding her to a tree in the middle of the village. The man was just too set on his ways, her words cutting through him only momentarily.

“ _Just as you hide behind "Doctor", perhaps”_ , he had thrown back at her. Those words, that accusation, hit right through her, more than she was willing to admit; she immediately diverged the focus back to him to avoid any prying on his part. The Time Lord knew this face was completely transparent when it came to emotions, a simple crack in the mask would give James the upper hand here. And that was far from what she wanted.

 

Becka was also unmovable. She stood her ground, refusing and deflecting yet again all attempts the Doctor made to get to the bottom of the issue, even when she touched the ducking stool and it became very clear something was very wrong with her. But of course, the Time Lord couldn't push for answers, not when Willa and her companions were being threatened with the same faith that awaited her.

 

She wouldn't and couldn't have it. It was best for her to go through it than any of them; especially Yaz. Not Yaz.

 

She was partially glad they were not there to see it; but fate is really a cruel mistress, if _'she'_ even existed at all. So as the stool descended and she braced herself to go underwater in chains, she barely heard them calling her name as water engulfed her form. Holding her breath and shrugging herself out of the cold and heavy metal, her thoughts kept drifting between the task at hand and a certain brown haired girl who had just witnessed her ducking.

 

Turns out a very wet weekend with Houdini had paid off. She had tried to make light of the situation as she emerged from the murky waters and onto the shore of the lake, if only to assure her friends she was alright. She suspected they would want to talk to her about all this later, their faces clearly painted with worry and unspoken questions. But for now her attention was fully taken by Becka and the reanimated corpses.

 

And that was when she _finally_ managed to get the whole truth out of this woman. She had been made a vessel, like the others. A vessel for something called Morax.

 

With all the information and the key to put this creatures back in their prison, she had marched together with her companions and Willa to rescue King James before he could become a vessel himself. The torches had been a nice touch, their flame able to keep the Morax at bay; but of course someone had to just go ahead and use it to play the _'hero',_ incinerating Becka's body instead of allowing the prison to take the creature back where it belonged.

 

It angered her to no end and she let it show, even if briefly, allowing herself to scowl King James for his actions and putting an end to his ridiculous witch hunts.

 

At least he had the good sense of promising to keep the entire thing under wraps and make sure not a word got out. Willa had made the decision to become a _doctor;_ it had filled her with such pride hearing the girl speak that word, like a promise to do what the Time Lord was out there doing: healing the world, one bit at the time.

 

The breath she didn't know she had been holding escaped her lungs the moment she had pulled the leaver to get the Tardis out of that place. And as expected, she was immediately swarmed by questions upon questions by her _'fam'_ as theycrowded around her to make sure she was really alright. She had avoided one's eyes in particular, feeling enough fragility coursing through her veins to make her want to talk about things she wasn't really ready to. Needing to put some distance between them, at least until she could get her thoughts back in check, she had simply promised to answer everything plus tell them the Houdini story, but only after she had a nice and long warm shower.

 

And then it came Norway.

 

Norway had been the confirmation she had needed to realize this thing between herself and Yasmin wasn't as one sided as it appeared to be. She had been suspicious, sure, that this amazing and smart woman harboured feelings for her. There was something about the way she would look at the Doctor, the way she would take her side and remain close, just barely touching. She had noticed it, of course she had. They were mirroring each other in every way possible, with the longing gazes and the accidental-not-so-accidental brushes of fingers and shoulders.

 

The Time Lord couldn't help the guilt that twisted and burned her gut then, feeling guilty for letting it get this far. She could have chosen to pull Yasmin aside at some point and have a heart-to-heart about it, not only so she could be honest with herself but also with her. But she didn't, no, she just let it all happen even though she knew there was a possibility Yaz would develop feelings for her.

 

It had happened before, when she had a different face and was around other companions; so why was she even surprised it had happened now?

 

Maybe because deep inside she knew she wasn't worthy of Yasmin's affections. She had failed to actually warn them properly of how dangerous travelling with her really was and now she had stringed this beautiful human being along. But, _gods,_ she was so kind and brilliant and just...

 

_Yaz._

 

An impulse made her reach for her companion's hand when she stalked towards the mirror, her mind not really catching up on what she was doing until she had done it. Luckily it seemed Yasmin had just taken it as just a safety measure, since they were about to go through some weird portal that no one was sure where it would lead. She was honestly relieved when she looked over her shoulder and saw that Graham's hand had also been grasped.

 

It sure made things look a tad less awkward.

 

And then came the other side of the mirror, and with it the full realization hitting the Doctor full force.

 

Hanne's father had been lured in with the image of his lost wife. Grace had been conjured just for Graham. Whatever this place was, it had a way of showing the people inside something they loved to keep them in, that was a certainty. Why was it not doing it for both herself and Yasmin then? Did it had some sort of limit? Or was it because what they loved the most had been present all along?

 

She knew the answer too well; but refused to knowledge it.

 

Even in the face of danger, Yaz had proven to be more interested in hearing about how the Doctor had a grandma like that was the most important thing out there. No, not the being trapped in some sort of exiled universe with a consciousness called Solitract; the grandma and how she had one once. Well, seven actually.

 

She had then surprised the Doctor further, managing to keep up with the explanation like it wasn't some foreign concept, asking pertinent questions and suggesting theories to add to the discussion. Yaz was engaging in a way Graham and Ryan weren't when it came to keep up with her ramblings about things that were beyond their comprehension. Not that the boys weren't smart; they honestly were but Yaz was just... Yaz.

 

It had broke her hearts seeing Graham's loving gaze towards a Grace she knew wasn't real. He did too, deep inside, but refused to believe it as the wife he thought lost stood there next to him, like a blessing from the heavens. She didn't have time to dwell much on it, still with the pressing matter at hand to get the damn portal open at once and get everyone out to safety.

 

Reversed polarity. _“Yasmin Khan! You speak my language.”_ As if she didn't love that woman enough already.

 

Sadly it hadn't worked for long and that was when she realized the Solitract was going to be real trouble to get through, especially with Graham and Erik being so focused on this conjured images of the important people they had loved and lost too soon. Luckily Hanne gave them all the answer as to how to leave the place, as she was pushed out after refusing to believe that woman as her real mother.

 

Yasmin followed, which the Doctor had been glad but also not-so-glad about. A sinking feeling on her stomach made her wish her companion had lingered longer. Why? She wasn't entirely sure at the time. So she powered through it, trying to convince the remain two men to leave. Graham didn't take long, at the mention of Ryan and how his grandson was on the other side of the portal, trapped somewhere in the antizone while the entire place was threatening to collapse on itself. This version of Grace failed the test when it acted nonchalant about the issue, breaking the spell and finally proving to the man this really wasn't his lost wife.

 

Erik proved to be an issue. And that was when the Doctor realized what that sinking feeling really was: she hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye to Yaz. She was going to sacrifice herself, give herself to the Solitract so that her companions may have an universe to go back to, a universe without her in it. It would be okay in the end, she reasoned. The Tardis would just take them all back home to Sheffield and they would be able to return to their lives, safe and sound.

 

It was worth to give them their future, even if it didn't included her.

 

Her next words to this consciousness had been spoken with conviction, but also some underlining pain.

 

“ _This world is falling apart. I reckon you can only keep one of us. You sure he's your best option? 'Cause the Solitract doesn't want a husband. You want a whole universe. Someone who has seen it all, and that's me. I've lived longer, seen more, loved more and lost more. I can share it all with you. Anything you want to know about what you've never had. 'Cause he's an idiot with a daughter who needs him, so let him go and I will give you everything.”_

 

With the last person finally pushed out of the Solitract Plane (had taken him long enough to realize it really hadn't been his wife in there all along), the place finally stabilized. She was trapped for eternity.

 

_With a frog._

 

The reasoning behind the form the Solitract choose to take had been plausible at least. It hurt to leave it all behind but at least there was something fascinating about this, something she couldn't wait to unravel. The consciousness was curious as well, about the universe that they couldn't see out there beyond their domain. They had all the time now, to answer each other's questions and find all the answers together.

 

Or perhaps not.

 

It wasn't stable after all. No, far from it, it was crumbling on itself and she had to sadly convince the Solitract to let her go, so both could live. She felt relief in knowing she would be able to go back out there and see her companion's faces again; but at the same time she had just made a new friend. A whole consciousness. The goodbye had saddened her more than she thought it would.

 

In the end, it had been worth it as she gazed upon her friends, see their relieved faces and even see Erik embracing his daughter and promising her a future together back in the city. It all had worked out, in the end, even if it didn't feel much like a victory.

 

She stood now in the Tardis, gaze lost somewhere between the controls. She knew she had a decision to make sooner or later about the situation with Yasmin and things had just got a tad more complicated, now that she was sure this wasn't as one-sided as she believed it to be. Should she act on it? Should she just talk to Yaz about it? Should she just ignore it completely?

 

The words _'be sure'_ echoed back at her somewhere in her mind. She was absolutely sure about how she felt; what she should do about it was the unknown in the equation.

 

The Doctor chanced a glance towards Yaz then, finding her looking at her like she hung the moon and stars in the sky of her world.

 

And she gave her the exact same look back.

 


End file.
